Sidetracked

I always seem to be unfocused. I try to center my life.  I try to focus it on what I find most important. God. But for some reason, I always seem to become sidetracked. I say; "I want God to be the center of my life", but then I become distant from Him. Although He is always with me, I do not make Him my main focus. I tend to get "caught-up" with daily life. I get tangled within what society has planned for me and lose focus on what is truly important. God should always be the focus of my actions. Lately, the pressure to fit in with society has overcome me. My actions try to stay in-sync with what the media and my peers are doing. The influence of society and my peers should not drive me away from my main focus-God.  The influence God has on my life, should drive me away from some of the actions of society and my peers. I need to have God be my center, so that I am able to wipe away anything that would be a distraction.

....

Ha, and while I re-read this post, I can see how disorganized and unfocused I really am.....

God needs to be the center of my life.
I want to live my life for HIM, not for myself.
I pray that I do not become sidetracked, from God, so easily.

"Praise our God, O people, let the sound of his praise be heard; he has preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping. For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver" Psalm 66:8-10

Random #2

Audrey Hepburn, Google Images 

Now. Today.

I've always been a futuristic thinker. Some may think futuristic thinking is good. I see it as a crutch. As a futuristic thinker, I am always trying to plan my next step of life. Throughout my life, my thought process has been like this:
"Once I can wear make-up, then I will be pretty"
"When I get a car, then I will be cool"
"Once I graduate from high school, then my fun life will pick up"
"After I whiten my teeth and lose weight, then I will have more self confidence"
I have discovered that none of my thoughts stand correctly. I was hoping the future would some how push all my problems away; that my life was going to swap all the bad for good. I believed that my life was not going to truly start until I became prettier or smarter or thinner or nicer or older.
Then I read Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist. Within the first chapter,  I realized that my life starts now. Today. I can not think futuristically all the time. I am living my life now. Every moment counts. What to do with it is all up to me. So I should not be waiting for my life to begin. I should be living my life now; living every moment with worth. value.
Shauna Niequist explains it best when she states,
 "Today is your big moment. Moments, really. The life you've been waiting for is happening all around you. The scene unfolding right outside your window is worth more than the most beautiful painting, and the crackers and peanut butter that you're having for lunch on the coffee table are as profound, in their own way, as the Last Supper. This is it. This is life in all its glory, swirling and unfolding around us, disguised as pedantic, pedestrian non-events. But pull off the mask and you will find your life, waiting to be made, chosen, woven, crafted. Your life right now, today, is exploding with energy and power and detail and dimension, better than the best movie you have ever seen. You and your family and your friends and your house and your dinner table and your garage have all the makings of a life of epic proportions, a story for the ages. because they all are. Every life is. You have stories worth telling, memories worth remembering, dreams worth working toward, a body worth feeding, a soul worth tending, and beyond that, the God of the universe dwells within you, the true culmination of super and natural. You are more than dust and bones. You are spirit and power and image of God. And you have been given Today" (Cold Tangerines, Shauna Niequist).

Restored Faith

I felt lost. Everything-and I mean EVERYTHING- seemed to be shaky. I am scared that the plans I have for myself are not the actions that should be taken. Scared to choose the wrong path.  I am questioning everything. Thinking futuristically. Thinking of where I want to be in the future and questioning if I am on the right path to get there.
Luckily I had a beach day with Eva. It was a great time for me to let all my feelings out. I love talking to my best friend. She always knows how to clam me and gives me words of wisdom. We concluded that: 1) I am always thinking about the future and 2) I can not stand not knowing my future.  Although I was able to make those two points clear, the rest of my life still seemed to be a big question mark. I was still concerned about choosing the right path in life but was calmed by the great day at the beach with Eva.
Coming home, I could not find my house key. I was carrying a big bag, so it was hard for me to find the single key. In fact, I ended up dumping my whole bag on my front porch, hoping to find the key. As I was sifting through all the miscellaneous objects in my purse, my fingers ran across a ring. I pulled on the ring-which was embedded within one of the pockets-and pulled out my necklace. My necklace that I have been searching a month for. I had almost given up hope. This necklace means so much to me. It had been my grandmother's. Finding it has restored my hope. Finding the necklace reminded me of the importance of faith.

Eva :) 

Everything happens for a reason. God will never leave you. or me. He knows my future and I have to have faith that he will place me where I am to be. God has a plan for me and for you. When I believe all hope is lost, or I question my life's direction, I will have faith. Faith to restore what I have lost. Faith to accept the unknown future. I will trust in God. With all my heart.

Strong Waves

Last night Colin and I went to the beach. The main reason for us going was for me to meet his cousins. But we were also there to enjoy the good weather, huge waves, and each others company. After spending a couple hours with his family, we put on our suits and headed towards the water. Although it was late at night and the warm sun was done heating the water for the day, we were still very excited to go swimming.  At first the water was cold. Since the sun went down, I was expecting to become colder as we continued to swim. But as we rode and drove into the waves, the water became warmer. We'd stand and the strong waves would knock us off our feet. I LOVE the power of the waves. How they can knock you down or drag you from one direction to the next. Although at times I had no control over my body, as it was being thrown around by the waves, I felt strong. I wanted to keep pushing forward. To break the waves. To defeat them.
I relate to this feeling in other situations other than the waves of the water. There have been numerous events that I have been hesitant of. Situation that I thought would get worst, colder, as time went on; only to find out later, with time, it gets better.
The situations when I am knocked down, knocked off my feet, because of a stronger power I should feel discouraged. But those occurrences that knock me down only motivate me more to pick myself up and keep pushing.
To beak the struggle or waves.
To defeat them.